the greatest love
by LittlemissLazy
Summary: What if Uchiha Sasuke never returned her affections for him? Haruno Sakura embarked on a journey of self-discovery and learned how to love herself at least. [sakura-centric au]


Summary: What if Uchiha Sasuke never returned her affections for him? Haruno Sakura embarked on a journey of self-discovery and learned how to love herself at least. [sakura-centric au] 

* * *

I.

He would never take her with him.

This is what Sakura had realized, far too late. She had hoped. Even though she had told herself countless of times, that she didn't expect him to return her feelings, Sakura still held a small flicker of hope tucked in her heart.

But such hope, so tiny in her hands cause such devastation in her heart. She felt like drowning. She couldn't breathe…

"Sakura," Kakashi called, but she couldn't almost hear him from the ringing in her ears.

She didn't want to see the look on his face: '_I'm sorry that didn't work out like you hoped…_'

Because she did. And that slapped on her face: it hurts so much. So, Sakura, even when her heart is breaking and the ground where she stood is crumbling, she smiled at Kakashi.

"Let's go, Kakashi-sensei." She said, smiling softly as she turned on her heels, back to the familiar main road in Konoha.

She's a proud kunoichi of Konoha; a damn powerful one at that. She wouldn't falter– couldn't. She could don a mask of her own to hide the pain from others. And when she's finally alone, she convinced herself, in the privacy of her home, Sakura could take it off and… and…

Sakura felt her sensei's heavy gaze on her back. And later, she would see Ino and Naruto and Sai and her parents and Tsunade-shishou and Shizune and her friends…

…everyone.

And they would know.

They would know that Sakura had put all of her in one such tiny hope and Sasuke crushed that hope with a soft beautiful smile it was so heartbreaking and a "see you later".

She'd heard once that loving someone is like building a house on your own. Sasuke, the man she held in her heart since her childhood, didn't want her to be his home. So, what should she do with this house?

Sakura wanted to keep it. She wanted him to know that if he ever found himself returning her love in the future, this house will always be here for him. However, Sakura knew that the sensible thing would be to demolish it on her own with her fists.

Like how she'd built it alone. 

* * *

ii.

Since Sasuke left the village for the third time, Sakura threw herself at work, going on a mindless routine because as one of the people managing the hospital, she didn't have the time to mend her heart.

Maybe it's a good thing.

She's so tired from work, she didn't even think about him and his last rejection.

But in brief moments, when Sakura found herself stuck in her own head, lost in the ocean of feelings filled with thoughts such as '_what ifs_' and '_could have been_', she would remember the pain she felt, the lost, the disappointment…

It was like ripping a band-aid when the wound wasn't healed yet.

And she would blink back the tears. She reminded herself of the people who relied on her, looked up at her with respect in their eyes… and she didn't want to disappoint them (like how she disappointed herself) when they saw her momentarily lapse of weakness.

The irony of it all, though: Sakura could heal broken bones, bruises and wounds on skin, but she couldn't heal her own broken heart.

So, she went on a motion. She let the days passed by her in mind-numbing pain. Healing others' injuries. Healing children's minds from the last war. Healing others' worries. Healing. Healing. _Healing_. Until she collapsed in her office and let the darkness of sleep cradled her in its arms. 

* * *

iii.

Envy is an ugly, _ugly_ thing.

Sakura hated herself for feeling envious of her friends as they paired up one by one. She's happy for them and jealous and glad and angry and joyful and bitter. Because they found their lifelong partners while, here, she was: bitter and sad and lonely.

She turned twenty-two that spring, single and so, _so_ bitter like the dry sake she drank to celebrate.

To no ones' fault, but hers, of course. She wanted to be angry at the world for not giving her a chance, but Sakura is angry at herself the most.

She's so pathetic, so foolish. For putting everything in one basket, there's nothing left for herself.

Sakura couldn't look at everyone in their eyes, and when she did with her green, _green_ eyes, she felt naked.

Like they knew… the hideousness swirling inside her: the envy, hurt and bitterness. The desire to lash out the hatred she felt for herself that she kept on a very tight leash, waiting, and waiting for the time it finally exploded.

Like a volcano. Like an explosion tag.

She could do nothing but cry for herself in self-pity and regret. 

* * *

iv.

With everyone around her starting their own families, Sakura was left to her own devices.

She hanged out with her friends once in a while whenever they had a free time, but once she returned to her empty apartment, Sakura felt the hollowness inside her, so she never stayed for too long. She would be outside, putting herself to use: helping Kakashi with his paperwork in the Hokage Tower after finishing her own paperwork much too soon; staying in the hospital to do more rounds way past her working time; training with Naruto and Sai until she's sweaty and her muscles protested; pestering Ino in T&I building or her family's flower shop.

She even visited her parents, more often than she did in the past, just so she wouldn't feel lonely in her apartment and got lost in her own mind. Even when the way her parents looked at her and skirted around her… as if she's something fragile that would break easily.

It broke her heart, but they're not wrong.

She may be strongest kunoichi in the village, surpassing Tsunade, but Sakura is still the same girl who wore her heart on her sleeves and she hadn't done that in a few months since Sasuke rejected her.

Sakura went through the day like nothing is wrong when she knew there is– when those who cared about her could see it and they don't know what to do to help her because she herself had no idea what to do.

Would she ever fix herself once again?

But this kind of brokenness is something a chakra wouldn't be able to mend. It's also not Naruto's job nor Kakashi's to heal her. They'd done enough for her in her teenage years when she's so weak and pathetic.

Sakura would pick herself back on her feet.

She came out of her mother's womb alone, after all. 

* * *

v.

The thing about healing, when you don't know how to heal yourself, then how will you heal others?

This is the first thing Sakura learned from Tsunade.

And she realized one day: how could she love Sasuke when she never thought of loving herself? Not once.

She didn't know what love truly was. She didn't know how that felt: to be love and be loved. Not the kind of love her family and friends and her precious people had given her, but the kind that will burn you and will ignite you.

Sakura searched for that answer around her, but wherever she looked, she felt her bitterness tainted the answer she wished to seek. So, she left Konoha to see the world on her own. She didn't know where her feet will take her, but Sakura wanted to give herself a chance.

No matter what she found, she will accept it with gratefulness. Be it something that would ultimately hurt her or soothe her heart and soul.

Her journey began on the road, to and from her beloved village. Sakura walked on this road countless of times, but she never stopped to take it slow nor enjoyed the scenery.

Her first time in this road, she was so busy impressing Sasuke that she missed how big the world truly is and she felt so small and scared and thrilled: she saw a new scenery with her newly opened eyes.

Sakura decided it's a beautiful start. 

* * *

vi.

After securing the perimeters and setting traps around the area, Sakura started a smokeless fire and gutted the fish she'd caught earlier.

As she stared at the grilling fish and the cracking fire, Sakura closed her eyes and started meditating.

She needed to clear her mind lest they wandered to the thoughts of Sasuke and what it would be like if he's with her in this journey.

Her chakra swirled in her stomach to every parts of her body in a familiar comfort. It's warm. She's alone, but for once, her mind is clear and Sakura did not feel lonely. 

* * *

vii.

At first, Sakura decided to visit the popular tourist spots in the Land of Fire. She remembered how she had dreamt of it as a child. But in the middle of her tour, Sakura felt restless. She's seeing new things, but it's not as enjoyable as she'd thought.

So, she stopped midway and on impulse, Sakura revisited the places she had went on missions with her team and to see again the people they'd left behind.

Sakura went to Wave first.

On her way to Wave, a huge storm passed by, so she stopped by in a small village between the borders of Fire and islands of Wave to seek a temporary shelter over her head in exchange of healing those who were sick and injured.

Sakura needed her full strength on this journey because no one is watching her back and getting sick will hinder her.

She arrived in Wave and realized that many things had changed. Sakura too, had changed and yet, she still felt the same.

Tazuna had grown so old when she met him again. He'd complained about backpain, so Sakura used her medical chakra to soothe his back as she did before for the Sandaime Tsuchikage. Tsunami's black locks were peppering with grey hair, but she's still beautiful as ever. And Inari was now taller than Sakura.

And like what she did in the previous village she had sought shelter on her way to Wave, Sakura offered to heal those in need of it in exchange for food and shelter. She stayed in Wave for few days and before she left, Inari sent his regards to Naruto and promised that he will visit Konoha. He wanted to see his hero again after seeing Sakura.

She thought Naruto would be glad to see Inari again.

She'd seen new and old faces in a place that felt familiar and unknown, but it felt it wasn't frivolous like it did before. Sakura left the island with a sort of satisfaction despite the nostalgia that broke her heart just a little from the recollection of the old days.

Thinking of Sasuke didn't hurt as much as it did when she started this journey, though.

Maybe she's healing?

Sakura giggled to herself as she crossed the long path of the Great Naruto Bridge. She found herself laughing again, thinking fondly of her teammate. To have such bridge named after himself at the age of twelve. He's truly something else.

She went to the former Land of Snow, currently known as the Land of Spring, next. She sought audience with Koyuki-hime and had a great tea time with her.

Like with Inari, the Spring Daimyō planned to visit Konoha to broker a deal in regards to the technology and the kind of metals shared between both lands. She remembered that a year ago, Naruto had visited Spring in a diplomatic mission.

Koyuki-hime showed her the field of blooming plum blossom trees before Sakura left Spring.

She left the land with a twig of plum blossoms in her hand while snacking on crunchy ume. Sakura love umeboshi, but this crunchy ume is also a delightful treat. The boat gently rocked on the sea, and Sakura smiled as she felt the cold breeze against her warm cheeks.

She'd immensely enjoyed herself until she stopped by in a small inn near the coast when she returned in the mainland, all alone in her room, lost in her thoughts once again.

She'd pondered many times why Sasuke didn't choose her. Is she ugly? Not pretty enough like Ino? Not strong enough like Naruto?

Is there something wrong with her? Something undesirable?

But the thing is, there is really nothing wrong with her. Sakura should stop comparing herself with others. It's not good for her.

Ino had told her that Sakura is Sakura, and she's beautiful on her own.

Naruto, despite being strong in a sense that he never gave up and worked hard to turn his weakness that made the village hate him once to become his strength that protected them all, said that he admired how she willingly her heart and tears when others couldn't.

After all, it's not easy to bare all of you in their line of work that were full of deceptions. It took a different kind of strength to be kind and openly reveal your emotions to the world.

Her precious people saw her differently. And Sasuke just didn't love her like she wanted him to.

And Sakura realized, that's okay.

Because Sasuke looked at her like she's one of his precious people.

For the first time, Sakura felt that it will be okay and at the same time, she felt truly, _truly_ alone. She missed her parents. She missed Naruto and Kakashi and Tsunade-shishou and Ino and and Sai and Sasuke. Everyone.

As she brought her pillow closer to her chest, Sakura thought of going back to Konoha and just cease this seemingly nonsense journey. It's going nowhere and she's so silly and foolish!

But still, she wanted to see this through. It had been enjoyable and fun and she felt free.

So, Sakura cried herself to sleep as she clutched and buried her face to her pillow.

She woke up in the morning with puffy eyes, but her heart felt light. 

* * *

viii.

Before she went home to Konoha, to her precious people, Sakura decided to visit a few more places. She went to Suna, Iwa, Kumo and Kiri. And on her way back to the Land of Fire, Sakura stopped by in Tea for a few nights to restock and buy souvenirs for her family and friends.

Then, she thought of Uzushio, which she'd read once in passing and learned was the home island of Tsunade's grandmother.

Sakura decided to go there before going back home, impulsively.

Uzushio is nothing but a wasteland of history and ruins, but with time, the land is healing itself.

Hope bloomed in Sakura's heart as she sat on a slab of stone in the middle of the ruins of Uzushio.

Her heart hadn't fully healed itself and Sakura knew that she'll never be the same, but like a broken vase, she would pick the pieces of her broken heart that were still intact and repair them together with silver or golden powder to become something new.

And as the sun rose in the east, with the sound of crashing waves against the shore and the loud echoes of swirling whirlpools surrounding the island, the light from the skies casted shadows against the rubbles in Uzushio, Sakura's heart felt like bursting with happiness she hadn't felt when she's alone. 

* * *

ix.

On the road, to and from Konoha, Sakura saw the silhouette of Sasuke. Seeing him didn't hurt as much as it did before she started her journey. There's no longer a pang of longing in her heart.

Sasuke noticed her and walked to meet her, but he stopped.

"Sasuke," She lightly greeted him, meeting him halfway.

He's still handsome as ever, but when she looked at him, she's not seeing the man who rejected her heart, but one of her precious people. The people who made her want to become stronger, so she could protect them and their happiness.

"Sakura."

Together, they walked back to their village in a peaceful silence. When they arrived in the gates, Sakura quickly bid him a "see you soon" after signing her name and he nodded at her with a smile.

There's a spring in her steps and the first thing Sakura did when she got back was to visit her parents. She spent the evening with them, telling them where she'd been, what she had seen and what she did.

They were the ones who she thought of the most, missed the most.

Someday, when everything had settled down and she could go on a tour around the Elemental Nations again, she wanted to go with them. She told them as much and she received a heartfelt hugs and kisses from her nagging mother and not-so punny father.

After spending a day or two with her parents, Sakura went to see her teammates. Kakashi and Naruto welcomed her back. The three of them met up with Sasuke and like the old times, Team Seven bonded over a bowl of ramen. Well, bowls, in Naruto's case.

She told her team where she went and sent the regards people had for Naruto. Naruto introduced his son, Boruto, when Hinata came in Ichiraku. Kakashi sighed at the amount of paperwork he had to do as Rokudaime without Sakura helping him before she left. Sasuke informed them of his decision to investigate the dimensions of Kaguya.

They'd sobered up a bit at that.

It's not the same as they've all had grown up and had their own duties and responsibilities, but some things are still the same.

It made Sakura smile before scooping a mouthful of ramen noodles with her chopsticks into her mouth.

In the afternoon, she visited Ino and Sai. She met Inojin for the first time and he's beautiful. She spent the dinner with the Yamanaka family, catching up with her best friend and other teammate, and doted over her best friend's son.

Sakura met up with Tsunade and Shizune the next day. To appease her shishou for being gone in a year, she brought her an offering she wouldn't be able to refuse: for a year, Sakura collected various sake from all over the place she'd visited.

Tsunade grumbled and complained a bit, but accepted the scroll of sake nonetheless. Sakura patted herself for her genius while Shizune shook her head, sighing.

"Sakura, I'm glad you're back." Tsunade told her after a half bottle of Junmai Ginjo.

Sakura grinned at her shishou because it is. It's good to be back. 

* * *

x.

Sasuke would never take her with him, so Sakura wished him a safe journey.

"Sakura," Kakashi called and she felt a sort of déjà vu.

She looked at Kakashi with a raised questioning brow as Sasuke's space-time jutsu to travel in the snowy dimension disappeared in a blink of an eye. Naruto looked at them, curiously.

"What do you think of becoming a sensei and taking a team of your own?" He asked her with his eyes closed and crinkling as he smiled down at her.

"Ehh!?"

Sakura beamed up at him, "Do you have a team for me in mind, sensei?"

Kakashi opened his eyes to look at her before he shrugged.

"I may have."

"Well, the hospital is not busy these days, so why not." Sakura replied as she turned her head a bit to gaze at the whole of Konoha on the rooftop of the Hokage Tower, her hands on her hips.

Since she came back in Konoha, Sakura was seeing her village in a new light. It's not perfect, but she felt that her love for her village and its people was the kind of love she was looking for: the love that burned and ignited her.

She's so silly looking elsewhere when it's right in front of her.

Konoha. Her precious people. Herself.

"Sakura-chan will be a terrifying sensei…" She heard Naruto whispering to Kakashi. "Are you sure, Kakashi-sensei? Do you know what you're unleashing to our poor genin?"

"Shut up, Naruto! Before I punted you from here to Suna!" Sakura growled, her fist raised in the air, threateningly.

"See, what I'm talking about?"

"Maa. Maa."


End file.
